這是 達(dá)醫(yī)曉護(hù)的第4019篇文章

其實(shí)孩子看到陌生人害怕是很常見的

這是因?yàn)閷殞殞?duì)身邊照顧他的熟悉的人有了依戀，比如媽媽。因?yàn)閷殞毟矚g熟悉的大人在一起，他們可能會(huì)對(duì)不熟悉的陌生人做出一些反應(yīng)，比如說哭鬧，緊張不安，過于安靜，害怕或躲藏起來。

寶寶怕生一般從4-5月齡開始，通常在7-10月齡時(shí)變得更加明顯。怕生可以持續(xù)幾個(gè)月以上。通常會(huì)在寶寶18月齡到2歲開始減少，但根據(jù)孩子的性格脾氣，有時(shí)可以持續(xù)更長(zhǎng)時(shí)間。

例如，一個(gè)20月齡的嬰兒從18個(gè)月大開始去托育中心，如果中心有一個(gè)新的老師，他可能會(huì)感到不安。孩子可能會(huì)哭吵，抱住爸爸媽媽的脖子不松手，甚至當(dāng)老師想帶他進(jìn)去時(shí)會(huì)尖叫。

如何幫助容易怕生的寶寶？

雖然怕生是嬰幼兒在發(fā)育發(fā)展過程道路上的一個(gè)階段，但我們可以用一些方法來減少孩子緊張不安的情緒。

1. 幫助孩子在有陌生人的時(shí)候感受到舒適和安全

不要疏忽無視孩子對(duì)陌生人的害怕情緒。這可能會(huì)讓孩子怕生的情況加重。

當(dāng)孩子遇到新朋友時(shí)可以握住孩子的手，或者讓他們坐在你的腿上。

如果可以的話，讓孩子看見陌生人的地點(diǎn)首先選擇在家里，因?yàn)榧沂呛⒆幼约焊杏X最舒服最安全的地方。

如果遇到孩子對(duì)一個(gè)新認(rèn)識(shí)的人感到非常緊張不安的情況，首先安撫孩子，并嘗試一種不同的方法，比如大家一起玩。也可以讓孩子稍微遠(yuǎn)離一下，直到他們冷靜下來，然后可以重試。

如果預(yù)計(jì)會(huì)和新朋友待一段時(shí)間時(shí)，可以隨身攜帶一些能讓孩子感受到舒適有安全的物品，比如他的玩具或毯子。

家長(zhǎng)自己也要保持平靜。孩子會(huì)受你的影響，如果他們感覺到你的平靜，他們會(huì)更有可能保持平靜和自信。

2. 慢慢來

要有耐心。不要在孩子準(zhǔn)備好之前強(qiáng)迫他們?nèi)ッ鎸?duì)新朋友。

嘗試每次讓孩子接觸一個(gè)人，而不是一下子讓孩子看到一大群的陌生人。隨著孩子的信心增強(qiáng)，可以慢慢增加到2個(gè)或更多人。

當(dāng)把你的孩子介紹給一個(gè)陌生人時(shí)，要和孩子在一起。讓孩子確信你不會(huì)馬上離開讓他將他們和不熟悉的人在一起。

對(duì)于孩子不熟悉的人，比如家里的親戚或朋友，讓他們接過你的孩子之前先耐心等待一會(huì)兒，給孩子一點(diǎn)適應(yīng)的時(shí)間。

對(duì)于年齡稍大的孩子，可以事先向她解釋將會(huì)看的人是誰以及之后會(huì)干什么。例如，告訴孩子新來的保姆阿姨是你信任的人，并且要明確告訴孩子你會(huì)在什么時(shí)候回來。

3. 讓孩子多結(jié)識(shí)新朋友

繼續(xù)給孩子介紹新的朋友。當(dāng)孩子有越來越多的機(jī)會(huì)遇到新朋友并發(fā)現(xiàn)他們還是很安全的，他們膽小怕生的情況就越有可能減少。

示范給孩子看你不害怕認(rèn)識(shí)新朋友。用積極的肢體語言熱情地問候新朋友 – 比如微笑，放松的姿勢(shì)，眼神交流和快樂的語音語調(diào)。

幫助年齡較大的孩子練習(xí)一些適應(yīng)性的方法來結(jié)識(shí)新朋友 - 例如，“讓我們一起平靜地呼吸幾下吧”或“媽媽給你一個(gè)大大的親親，可以在你臉上呆一整天哦! 你可不可以也給媽媽一個(gè)？”這些簡(jiǎn)單的策略可以幫助你的孩子在不熟悉的人面前感到更自信。

不要過分擔(dān)心大人的感受。可以告訴他們孩子正在學(xué)習(xí)適應(yīng)和陌生人在一起，相信大家都會(huì)理解。

2歲以上的孩子怕生怎么辦？

大多數(shù)孩子對(duì)陌生人的害怕情緒在2歲以后會(huì)逐漸消失，但對(duì)于年齡較大的孩子來說，害怕陌生人其實(shí)也并不少見。那我們有什么辦法幫助孩子渡過這一階段呢？

幫助孩子克服怕生情緒的一種方法是建立孩子的獨(dú)立性。如果孩子建立起更獨(dú)立的感覺，他們?cè)诿鎸?duì)陌生人時(shí)會(huì)更有信心。

下面有一些小方法可以有助于孩子提高獨(dú)立性

讓孩子自己做一些事情，比如自己吃飯，自己用玩具玩耍，自己探索發(fā)掘新的游戲環(huán)境。

帶孩子多出去玩， 給予足夠的新的體驗(yàn)，并把他們介紹給新面孔。漸漸地，他們會(huì)自己意識(shí)到，認(rèn)識(shí)新的朋友不會(huì)發(fā)生任何不好的事情。

父母盡量不要急著自己去解決問題，耐心點(diǎn)等一等，給孩子一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)讓他自己解決看看。

鼓勵(lì)孩子開始負(fù)責(zé)一些簡(jiǎn)單的家務(wù) —— 例如，在你的指導(dǎo)下，把東西放在超市的手推車?yán)铮驒z查信箱等。

孩子極度怕生怎么辦

孩子對(duì)陌生人的極度恐懼可能會(huì)在他長(zhǎng)大后導(dǎo)致社交恐懼。因此，如果孩子對(duì)怕生的程度很強(qiáng)烈，甚至發(fā)展到周圍已經(jīng)沒有不熟悉的人以后也不會(huì)減少，以及2歲以后孩子怕生的現(xiàn)象沒有任何好轉(zhuǎn)，或者越來越厲害，家長(zhǎng)可能需要考慮去找醫(yī)生聊聊。另外，如果孩子極度怕生同時(shí)又有焦慮的家族史，也可以尋求醫(yī)生的幫助。

Fear of strangers

Fear of strangers is very common.

It happens as your baby develops a healthy attachment to familiar people – like you. Because babies prefer familiar adults, they might react to strangers by crying or fussing, going very quiet, looking fearful or hiding.

Fear of strangers starts at 4-5 months and usually becomes more intense at 7-10 months of age. It can last a few months or continue for much longer. It often decreases somewhere between 18 months and 2 years, but it can last longer depending on a child’s temperament.

For example, a 10-month-old baby who has been going to childcare since they were 6 months old might get upset if there’s a new carer at the centre. They might cry, bury their head in their parent’s neck or scream when the carer tries to take them from their parent.

How you can help babies and children with fear of strangers

Although fear of strangers is part of how babies and young children develop, there are things we can do to help your child feel less upset.

1. Helping your child feel comfortable around strangers

Don’t ignore or dismiss your child’s fear of strangers. This could make the fear worse.

Hold your child’s hand or let them sit on your lap when they meet new people.

Introduce strangers first at home, if possible. Home is where your child feels most comfortable.

If your child gets very upset with a new person, comfort them and try a different approach like all playing together. You could also move your child slightly away from the new person until they calm down. Then you can try again.

Take your child’s comfort item (toy or blanket) with you when you’re spending time with new people.

Stay calm yourself. Your child will pick up on your cues. They’ll be more likely to be calm and confident if they sense that you feel the same way.

2. Taking it slowly

Be patient. Don’t push your child to go to new people before they’re ready.

Try to introduce new people one at a time, rather than in groups. You can work up to introducing 2 or more people as your child develops confidence.

When you introduce your child to someone new, stay with your child. This will reassure them that you’re not going to leave them with unfamiliar people straight away.

Ask unfamiliar adults, like extended family or adult friends, to wait for a while before they pick up your child.

For slightly older children, explain to your child who the new person is and what’s happening. For example, explain that the new babysitter is someone you trust. Also say when you’ll be back.

3. Meeting new people

Keep introducing your child to new people. The more chances your child has to meet new people and discover that they’re safe, the more likely it is that their fear will reduce.

Show your child that you’re not scared of new people. Greet them warmly with positive body language – smiles, relaxed posture, eye contact and a happy voice.

Help older children practise some coping strategies for meeting new people – for example, ‘Let’s take some calm breaths together’ or ‘Here’s a big kiss that will last all day. Can I have one too?’ These simple strategies can help your child feel more confident around unfamiliar people.

Don’t worry about grown-ups’ feelings. Just tell them that your child is learning to be around strangers.

Fear of strangers in children over 2 years

Most children’s fear of strangers starts to pass by about 2 years, but it isn’t unusual for older children to be afraid of strangers also. Do we have any ideas to help these children?

One way to help with worries about unfamiliar people is to build your child’s independence. If your child feels more independent, they might also feel more confident around strangers.

Here are some tips to help with independence:

Let your child do things for themselves, like feeding themselves, exploring new play environments and entertaining themselves with toys.

Give your child plenty of new experiences and introduce them to new faces. With time, they’ll realise that nothing bad will happen.

Try not to rush in to solve problems, and give your child a chance to work out solutions for themselves.

Encourage your child to be responsible for some simple family chores – for example, putting things in the supermarket trolley, or checking the letterbox.

Getting help for extreme fear of strangers

Extreme fear of strangers might lead to social anxiety when your child is older. So it’s worth talking to a health professional if your young child’s fear of strangers is really intense or if it doesn’t reduce even when there are no unfamiliar adults around. Also, if your child’s fear of strangers isn’t getting any better by the time they’re 2 years old or it’s getting worse, you might want to think about seeking professional help. And it might also be a good idea to seek help if there’s a family history of anxiety, because your child might be showing early signs of anxiety.

作者：澳大利亞墨爾本大學(xué)醫(yī)學(xué)院兒科博士

百匯醫(yī)療（中國(guó)）兒科醫(yī)師

蔣本然

部分圖片摘自網(wǎng)絡(luò)，如有侵權(quán)請(qǐng)告知，予以刪除。

所有人名和地名均為化名，如有雷同，純屬巧合。