幽默上個(gè)禮拜天過(guò)得可賊爽，才花了五塊錢就在地鐵上看了那么多美女。

I had a great time last Sunday. I only spent five yuan to see so many beautiful women on the subway.

小時(shí)候瞧不起那些早戀的學(xué)渣，現(xiàn)在想想，覺(jué)得那些同學(xué)真了不起，年紀(jì)輕輕的就已經(jīng)有對(duì)象了。

When I was a child, I looked down on the learning dregs of early love. Now I think those students are really great. They already have objects at a young age.

多希望接到紅包的時(shí)候，打開(kāi)里面寫著再來(lái)一包。

I hope that when I receive the red envelope, I will open it and write another one.

越努力越幸運(yùn)，真的是這樣。我越努力地工作，同事就越把工作推給我，他們?cè)叫疫\(yùn)了呢。

The harder you work, the luckier you are, really. The harder I work, the more my colleagues put their work on me. The luckier they are.

今晚月色真美，風(fēng)也溫柔，仿佛都會(huì)說(shuō)話，他們好像說(shuō)：再不睡覺(jué)，你就等著猝死吧。

The moonlight is so beautiful tonight, and the wind is gentle. It seems that they can talk. They seem to say: if you dont sleep again, youll wait for sudden death.

今天去看牙醫(yī)，醫(yī)生問(wèn)我怎么牙齒磨損這么嚴(yán)重？我說(shuō)因?yàn)槲业娜松际强恳а罁芜^(guò)來(lái)的。

Today, I went to the dentist. The doctor asked me why my teeth were so worn out? I said, because my life depends on gritting my teeth.

小時(shí)候：我長(zhǎng)大后要去幫助貧窮的人！長(zhǎng)大后：請(qǐng)幫幫我…

When I was a child: I want to help the poor when I grow up! When I grow up: please help me

我想出去走走，想把自己走丟，但是又怕沒(méi)人撿，我想問(wèn)一下有人撿嗎？高低給個(gè)回復(fù)，我好選擇走丟的地方。

I want to go out and lose myself, but Im afraid no one will pick it up. I want to ask if anyone picked it up? Give me a reply so that I can choose the lost place.

跟老爸吵架打了我一耳光，本來(lái)想問(wèn)他吃飯沒(méi)，緩和一下氣氛，結(jié)果說(shuō)成了：“你沒(méi)吃飯是吧。”

I had a quarrel with my father and slapped me in the face. I wanted to ask him if he had dinner and ease the atmosphere. As a result, I said, "you didnt eat, did you?"

老師：“小明，昨天考試時(shí)你抄同桌的答案了是不是？”

小明：“是得，可你是怎么發(fā)現(xiàn)的呢？”

老師：“他第十題答案是‘我不知道，而你的答案是‘我也不知道。”

Teacher: "Xiao Ming, you copied the answer from your deskmate in the exam yesterday, didnt you?"

Xiao Ming: "yes, but how did you find it?"

Teacher: "his answer to question 10 is I dont know, and your answer is I dont know either."

又要過(guò)年了，完全不顧我有沒(méi)有錢過(guò)年，說(shuō)過(guò)年就過(guò)年。

Its the new year again. I dont care whether I have money or not. I said the new year would be the new year.

錢太委屈了，每個(gè)人都說(shuō)愛(ài)它，卻把它拿去跟別人做交易。

Money is so wronged that everyone says they love it, but they take it to trade with others.

我平時(shí)的健身方式都比較特別，就是在網(wǎng)上抬杠。

My usual way of fitness is quite special, that is, to raise bars on the Internet.

每當(dāng)我打算開(kāi)始存錢的時(shí)候，總有個(gè)聲音對(duì)我說(shuō)：對(duì)自己好點(diǎn)。這就是我一窮二白的原因。

Whenever I plan to start saving money, a voice always says to me: be good to yourself. Thats why Im poor.